Captivating.

In the past 5 or 6 years, I have read the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge about 5 or 6 times. And I always learn something new. Something new about being the woman of God that I have been created and put on this earth to be. God-Fearing. Beautiful inside and out. Relational. Strong yet able to collapse in my Father's arms. Women are not meant to be hard as rocks and tough as nails. We are meant to be this kind hearted, soft and loving spirit. Now that's not saying we don't have the right to voice our opinion. I'm just saying there are too many Christian woman out there who put up this tough exterior... me being one of them... But I've come to realize by reading and listening to this book as many times as I have, that God didn't create women to be "hard" in the core. Yes, we can be strong women... But so many women are hard in the core and that's not who God created us to be. Yes, we need to guard our hearts. But that doesn't mean women should push people away. I know way too many girls who push people away who care about them solely cuz they are afraid of getting hurt. In the end, God created us to be relational because HE is relational. We were created in HIS image. He desires an intimate relationship with us just like women desire relationship with family, friends, a significant other, co-workers etc.
But anyways, away from my pulpit now. lol. McDonalds has gotten extremely bad. And it's all gone downhill very rapidly. I get called stupid at work on an almost daily basis. And a lot of other people are treated like dirt as well. To say the least, God is really testing my patience. The other day, I almost didn't go back after my break cuz my job isn't even worth it to me anymore. I love working and making money, but when I go home crying almost everyday, that's where I draw the line. I have several friends at work who feel the same way. One of them is quitting in February. And the others are hoping to quit sooner than that. I'm hoping to finish school in January so that way I can get outta there before I'm stuck there by myself.
I played my wii today... it was kinda awkward cuz Austin's characters were still on there. I can't pull myself to delete them just yet. Trying to keep the good memories alive and keep all the bitterness away. But with time, the characters will disappear.
My dating fast is going pretty well. I'm just torn in a few different areas. But that's the whole point of this. I haven't given every part of my life to God. He would always get MOST of it... But there were always areas I held things back... which is kinda dumb because God knows everything... but I digress. I'm learning to give EVERY part of my life to Him cuz He knows the final pieces to the puzzle of my life. And let me tell ya, this time has been a very humbling experience. He's showing me how much I depend on Him for EVERYTHING. And since I started this dating fast, my hours have gone up at work. My grades have gone up in school(more time to focus) and life is improving dramatically.
Wow. This was a very long winded blog. I guess I just had a lot on the dome that I needed to put out there. Well hope everyone who actually reads all this has a great couple days... til I write again :)
In His Grip,
Jackie