Time is FLYING.

Okay so I don't have time to update this much after all. I am a twitter junkie. I have loads of schoolwork to finish by the middle of June. Preparing to move. Working 30+ hours a week. And above all, trying to keep God the center of my life. That's hard to do with a schedule as hectic as mine but I try.
I'm very undecided about my future plans. But this quote from the movie Eclipse is how I see this journey I'm on right now...
"This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions; this is a time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love... a lot. Major in philosophy, because there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind, and change it again, because nothing's permanent. So, make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask what we want to be, we won't have to guess... we'll know."
Eventually, I will have to make a decision about my future when it comes to school, dreams and goals and I pray that God guides me where He wants me. But I also know that God doesn't force Himself or His plans on you. So I just pray that I'm sensitive to His voice more and more all the time.
I know, I'm being very vague about my dreams and goals right now. But I just don't wanna say anything at this point because it seems far fetched. But God has been working on my faith a lot lately and showing me that NOTHING is far fetched when He has control of the situation. I'm ready for a change of pace. Something new. Something that could shake the world. I'm READY GOD!!
On a different note, I'm a fat butt and I need to start working out more. I say this all the time but I'm serious! I need to fit exercise into my already busy schedule. Problem is I value my sleep. So I also am praying that God would help me not value my sleep as much and I can get up earlier and work out. I need strength God. lol.
But anyways, I gotta get ready for work now. Byebye.
[jbaybay] ----> future license plate!

Breathing a sigh of relief!

I am finally done with Pharmaceutical Calculations!!!! YAY!!!! lol. I took my final last night and mailed it in today! Such a relief to be done with it! :) Now onto Pharmacology aka the meat of the study! I'm ready!
I'm still trying to figure out where I'm gonna end up in the next several months. I know I wanna be in the south and that's where I believe I am being led... I just gotta find an apartment and a job and SAVE SAVE SAVE!!! :) The thing I have to remember is that MY plan isn't always GOD'S plan! Gotta let go and let God :)
In speaking of God, He is REALLY moving in my life. I love seeing Him move in different areas. He is giving me strength through my hectic schedule(work, school, Bible study and still finding time to sleep) There have been several nights where I've had only an hour or two of sleep and I've had work and school stuff to do... But He has kept me going!
Hope you all have a great week! :)

I really need to write in here more.

Life is soooo crazy right now. Still doing Pharmacy Tech school... I'm about halfway through. I feel like I should be done by now... Technically I should be(should've finished in February) I gotta get my life straight. Moving in the next few months cuz gma's gotta move(Her hubby is getting outta jail) I was gonna move to eastern TN for school but that kinda fell through. My friend wants me to move to Boston and get an apt with her... But I really wanna be in the south! I hate the cold weather. I hate the snow. I hate driving in the snow. If I only have to do that a couple of times a year, I would be cool with that! I know that God will lead me where He wants me. Just gotta have faith! :)
As far as guys go, I'm not dating anyone right now... nor do I want to date anyone right now. Reason 1 is I'm wayyyy too busy and I need to keep my focus straight right now. Reason 2 is I can't seem to meet a guy who meets my standards who wants to date me too! lol. I'm done with these guys who are lukewarm towards me and God! I've really been thinking about all of this lately. I'm not gonna go into detail on here cuz I'm still figuring everything out. Slowly but surely my desires for my future mate are changing.
Anywho, Happy Sunday y'all! Be blessed and be blessed to be a blessing to others :)

2011

Wow. It's been quite some time since I've updated. More than likely cuz I'm not so sure anyone reads my ramblings. But a lot has happened and I like to see where I've come from and where I am going... So I will write.
On November 30th, I turned 21. I went to a bar with my friend, Angela. I had 4 UV Blue and lemonades and a shot of doctor. I wound up on the floor puking til 4am. Never again. lol.
Now it's 2011 and I'm ready for a fresh start!
New Years Resolutions.
1. Draw closer to God than ever before(Bible reading, Bible study, accountability, abstaining from any activities that don't please God etc.)
2. Finish school by June with good grades :)
3. Learn patience.

The fourth one is pretty big but God is still holding back details. He will tell me when all is said and done... But I will most likely be moving to Alabama, Georgia or Mississippi. In order to abandon the pain of my past, I need to escape where I have been and go somewhere and start a new life. It's pretty big but I know God will help me with expenses and really leading me where He wants me to go.

All in all, that's basically all that's happened in the past couple months. Pretty uneventful actually. lol

One Year Ago.

Wow! What a year this has been. A lot has happened. I'm sure some of you don't really know what I'm talking about so I will explain.
One year ago, I was going through the hardest time of my life. The person who I had been with for 2 years had started to get physically and emotionally abusive, we were on the verge of being homeless, I was getting ready to go to cosmetology school in January... Things were too much to bear. Then on November 22nd, I had enough of everything and broke down. Then I went to the bathroom, took 200 extra strength rapid release tylenol and about 60 famotadine(acid reliever) tablets. I told my boyfriend... not thinking he would do anything considering we had just had a huge fight and he was angry... plus he was at band practice... But about 30 minutes later, the paramedics came knocking on our hotel room door(Home sweet home for us at the time) I was so out of it, I don't remember much. I kept feeling myself going in and out of remembering and not remembering. I don't remember the ambulance ride. I don't remember that I had attempted to slice my wrists before the ambulance got there. I do remember the charcoal I had to take to get all the medicine out of my stomach. I do remember that I had to be on oxygen to have myself become "stabilized". I remember it was really late when I got to the place I would be staying for the next several days. And I remember the noise my stomach was making from the charcoal.
God saved my life that night. That's when I genuinely realized that God has an amazing plan for my life and He's not through with me yet.
God--- I thank you for this amazing life you have given me... Even with it's struggles, You have shown me to see through things and not just look at them. You are so faithful and Your plans are better than any human plan I could come up with. I thank you for the struggles of the past year. They have started to mold me into the woman you want me to be. I pray that I will never forget those moments of struggle and that you will use those moments to strengthen me and my faith. I love you Lord. I pray all of these things in your precious name. Amen.

8 days til my birthday! :)

Bronchitis/Pneumonia adventure.

So for those faithful readers of this blog, I am sorry for my lack of posts. I was EXTREMELY sick for the past two weeks and I'm just now coming out of it.
It all started with this excruciating pain in my neck. I thought maybe I had slept in some odd position(which I have been known to do) But the next day, I woke up and went to work and it was painful to walk because I had pain in my back and my legs were extremely sore and tense. They sent me home early that day so I just kinda took it easy at home. The pain continued over the next several days and I was sleeping pretty much any chance I got. Then one morning, I had to be at work at 6am... But when I woke up, my chest felt very heavy, I was having chest pains and it was hard(and painful) to breathe. I called work at 5:30am and was given a load of crap by the manager on duty. I told her I needed to go to the Emergency room but she just wouldn't let it go. I ended up telling her I wasn't going to be there and she told me I needed to be more "responsible"... Okay ______, I will be more responsible. God--- From this day forward I need to know at least 2 hours in advance of work if I am gonna need to go to the ER. Amen. I understand that maybe I should've called earlier... But I was waiting to see if I could stick it out... then at 5am, it got really bad. So I woke my grandma up and had her take me to the ER. What a woman! :)
At the ER they told me I had bronchitis and pneumonia... gave me an antibiotic and a prescription for codeine to help me sleep. I believe I forgot to mention that I had been coughing A LOT the previous few nights. I missed the next several days of work... But now I'm back. I still hate my job now... maybe even more than I did before. I'm sick of getting pushed to my limits by people who don't like me for whatever reason. I'm sick of unprofessional managers. I'm sick of the guilt trips that I get when I tell them I can't stay later. I'm sick of crying at work everyday. I'm sick of it all. I need something better... School will be done soon enough I hope.

Captivating.

In the past 5 or 6 years, I have read the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge about 5 or 6 times. And I always learn something new. Something new about being the woman of God that I have been created and put on this earth to be. God-Fearing. Beautiful inside and out. Relational. Strong yet able to collapse in my Father's arms. Women are not meant to be hard as rocks and tough as nails. We are meant to be this kind hearted, soft and loving spirit. Now that's not saying we don't have the right to voice our opinion. I'm just saying there are too many Christian woman out there who put up this tough exterior... me being one of them... But I've come to realize by reading and listening to this book as many times as I have, that God didn't create women to be "hard" in the core. Yes, we can be strong women... But so many women are hard in the core and that's not who God created us to be. Yes, we need to guard our hearts. But that doesn't mean women should push people away. I know way too many girls who push people away who care about them solely cuz they are afraid of getting hurt. In the end, God created us to be relational because HE is relational. We were created in HIS image. He desires an intimate relationship with us just like women desire relationship with family, friends, a significant other, co-workers etc.
But anyways, away from my pulpit now. lol. McDonalds has gotten extremely bad. And it's all gone downhill very rapidly. I get called stupid at work on an almost daily basis. And a lot of other people are treated like dirt as well. To say the least, God is really testing my patience. The other day, I almost didn't go back after my break cuz my job isn't even worth it to me anymore. I love working and making money, but when I go home crying almost everyday, that's where I draw the line. I have several friends at work who feel the same way. One of them is quitting in February. And the others are hoping to quit sooner than that. I'm hoping to finish school in January so that way I can get outta there before I'm stuck there by myself.
I played my wii today... it was kinda awkward cuz Austin's characters were still on there. I can't pull myself to delete them just yet. Trying to keep the good memories alive and keep all the bitterness away. But with time, the characters will disappear.
My dating fast is going pretty well. I'm just torn in a few different areas. But that's the whole point of this. I haven't given every part of my life to God. He would always get MOST of it... But there were always areas I held things back... which is kinda dumb because God knows everything... but I digress. I'm learning to give EVERY part of my life to Him cuz He knows the final pieces to the puzzle of my life. And let me tell ya, this time has been a very humbling experience. He's showing me how much I depend on Him for EVERYTHING. And since I started this dating fast, my hours have gone up at work. My grades have gone up in school(more time to focus) and life is improving dramatically.
Wow. This was a very long winded blog. I guess I just had a lot on the dome that I needed to put out there. Well hope everyone who actually reads all this has a great couple days... til I write again :)
In His Grip,
Jackie